Tantrums and tears

I have had enough of this menopause crap, so much so that today has almost been a breaking point for me.

I took a day off from work on Monday to catch up on the administrative jobs I needed. Living as a person in the ‘sandwich’ generation means that my weekends are between sorting out grown-up kids who live in their own house and doing what I can with elderly parents. OK, some of that responsibility has been taken away with Mum now being in a care home, but I still go and visit every weekend.

Work has meant that I can no longer go and visit Mum during the week. Also, training for the London Land Marks Half Marathon takes up to 2 or 3 sessions a week, so my time and temper are getting close to the boiling point. Add to this the fact that my new HP laptop has decided it wants to be awkward and throw its dolly out of the cot, and on Monday, it decided to throw it further than usual. I now had to resort to my older laptop with the help of the company IT geeks.

So today, and after a week of having work thrown at me from all angles, the old laptop also decides to throw a wobbly. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up. So I’ve been on the phone with HP to try to sort out the new laptop, but I am still not getting any further. If you know why Microsoft Edge keeps opening new windows for how to get help for Windows 11, I’d appreciate you getting in touch immediately. The saving grace is that it’s still under the manufacturer’s warranty.

So, I’m having a rant to get it off my chest. I sat downstairs close to the WiFi router, hoping it would solve all my IT problems. I got so mad I just wanted to throw both machines out of the window and go to the pub and get drunk. Not a good idea, I told myself. I have just completed a dry January and had planned to stay dry until after the half marathon in April.

Why am I feeling like this? Yep, you’ve guessed it. HORMONES. I know my subject, and I know those lovely little invisible things drive our emotions, moods and temper. I am good at spotting a dip, but the HRT is not cutting it anymore. I’m on the highest dose of Estrogen and have been for a while, both with gel and then patches, and I’m still flat, with no energy, enthusiasm and endless fatigue. It’s not easy for someone training for a race who used to have boundless energy. I’m waiting to see a specialist to find out the next pathway.

Seriously, though, I never thought that I, of all people, wouldn’t be able to cope. But then I remembered my coping mechanism: writing this blog. Get it off my chest, and that will make sure that I can get some sleep.

Sleep, that’s another menopause story!