I have had enough of this menopause crap, so much so that today has almost been a breaking point for me.

I took a day off from work on Monday to catch up on the administrative jobs I needed. Living as a person in the ‘sandwich’ generation means that my weekends are between sorting out grown-up kids who live in their own house and doing what I can with elderly parents. OK, some of that responsibility has been taken away with Mum now being in a care home, but I still go and visit every weekend.

Work has meant that I can no longer go and visit Mum during the week. Also, training for the London Land Marks Half Marathon takes up to 2 or 3 sessions a week, so my time and temper are getting close to the boiling point. Add to this the fact that my new HP laptop has decided it wants to be awkward and throw its dolly out of the cot, and on Monday, it decided to throw it further than usual. I now had to resort to my older laptop with the help of the company IT geeks.

So today, and after a week of having work thrown at me from all angles, the old laptop also decides to throw a wobbly. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up. So I’ve been on the phone with HP to try to sort out the new laptop, but I am still not getting any further. If you know why Microsoft Edge keeps opening new windows for how to get help for Windows 11, I’d appreciate you getting in touch immediately. The saving grace is that it’s still under the manufacturer’s warranty.

So, I’m having a rant to get it off my chest. I sat downstairs close to the WiFi router, hoping it would solve all my IT problems. I got so mad I just wanted to throw both machines out of the window and go to the pub and get drunk. Not a good idea, I told myself. I have just completed a dry January and had planned to stay dry until after the half marathon in April.

Why am I feeling like this? Yep, you’ve guessed it. HORMONES. I know my subject, and I know those lovely little invisible things drive our emotions, moods and temper. I am good at spotting a dip, but the HRT is not cutting it anymore. I’m on the highest dose of Estrogen and have been for a while, both with gel and then patches, and I’m still flat, with no energy, enthusiasm and endless fatigue. It’s not easy for someone training for a race who used to have boundless energy. I’m waiting to see a specialist to find out the next pathway.

Seriously, though, I never thought that I, of all people, wouldn’t be able to cope. But then I remembered my coping mechanism: writing this blog. Get it off my chest, and that will make sure that I can get some sleep.

Sleep, that’s another menopause story!

It’s been a while but I need to vent.

After four years and two estate battles, the final nail has been put in the coffin by thieving scumbags. Thank you, that money would have taken my mum on an assisted holiday and more, which may have given her some happiness, because the last four years have put her into a fast decline. 

I will reiterate what I said before. Trust no one, family, friend or stranger when it comes to looking after the financial security of your loved ones. Ensure that you have Legal Power of Attorney for both Finance and Property and Health & Well-being, and make a will using a solicitor. Please don’t do it yourself to save a few quid.

Seriously, I am livid. But what can I do? I find myself thinking, ‘What would Bro’ say? I can hear him now,

“Fight for what’s right and do the right thing, but don’t waste your energy if you can’t change the situation. Walk away and be the bigger person.”

It’s four years on Sunday, 14 Jan, since Bro decided to do the right thing and fix the boat to ensure it ran economically, and look where that got him—riding the heavenly waves on his 10’8″ surfboard. Sometimes, you can’t walk away and must stay and fight.

My little brother wrote the last words (above) on his blog four months before he died, and they couldn’t be more accurate. Was it a subliminal message?

He was a clever man. He rarely made stupid mistakes, and I say stupid because I’m sure he made many silly mistakes, but not STUPID ones. However, he did make two disastrous mistakes, but I’m only going to talk about one.

Bro’ appointed me as his sole executor in 2005. He came to see me at work in Leicester and asked me to sign his will. Two of my colleagues witnessed it. We said our goodbyes, and off he went on his travels to Portugal with his whole life and worth packed into his Vauxhall Senator (I think it was a Senator).

To cut a long story short, I have endured just over two years of legal work to settle his estate to ensure that his rightful beneficiary receives what was meant for him. My brother made me the sole executor, knowing that I would do the best for him, and I hope I have, but he made a crucial mistake to save a dollar or two for all his intelligence. He wrote his own will, did his research and believed he’d got it right. But because he didn’t want to spend money having a solicitor write or check it, he made an omission and due to the contentious nature of his wording, into battle, we went with not just one but two people. I’m exhausted. But it’s not over as the final investigation report into what caused his death has still not been received.

There is a moral to this post that I want people to think about and take on board. If you value your loved ones and want to provide for them, write a will and review and update it regularly. Not only write a will but make sure that you do it through or have it checked by a lawyer or solicitor. For the sake of a few hundred quid you could be saving your family a lot of pain and heartache. As if losing you isn’t painful enough.

If you want to find out just how clever and intelligent my brother really was, hop on over to The November Archives and read through 14 years of his antics and mischief from travelling around the world.

I started writing this latest issue in February, but it just never felt it fitting to post it until today, National Brother’s Day.

Yesterday was my birthday. As usual I’m getting on with work just like any other day and any other birthday. But on this day every year, I knew that the call would come in at some point.

But not today, just like last year.

The call would start ‘Happy Birthday Old ‘Un’ and we’d continue making fun of each other for a few minutes, followed by an update on where the hell in the world the call was coming from. Bermuda, Galapagos Islands, St. Lucia, USA or just good old blighty.

I miss those calls, it was my chance to tell the person on the other end what a complete bell-end he was, but he already knew that. But regardless of what names he was known by, he was and still is my little brother.

Life goes on.

Menopause sucks!

I’ll be so glad to see the back of 2019, in fact the last decade to be honest.

The menopause is ravaging my mind and body and it’s getting worse. I started on a new HRT in April after talking to my new GP. I won the lottery when they allocated me to her as she’s a women’s healthcare specialist and interested in the menopause and HRT as she’s early to mid 40s herself.

EDIT – I started writing the above on 30th December 2019 and that’s how far I got. It’s now 8th June 2021 and I haven’t felt the urge to write at all for the last 18 months for so many reasons as my mind has been so preoccupied.

There is far too much to explain but I will paraphrase.

Little brother’s death, pandemic, stress, menopause, lawyers, house move, self-employment, ageing family with poor health, hydrogen, YouTube outrage, alone but not lonely, and motorcycle escapism.

Thoughts and words constantly running through my head, but it always comes back to one. First born, second best. Made to think that I’m only good enough to shovel shit. Oh how little you know. Respect is a two-way thing. To get respect you must earn it. To earn it you must first give it. Money does not talk!

When I manage to see a way through this journey that feels like I’m running backwards through treacle, I’ll get back to you!

Bear with……

Never thought I’d have to write about this, but I’ve recently been the victim of what I could only describe as cyber bullying.

OK, it may be a little strong to call it cyber bullying but in fact this incident is just how it starts, with name calling and trolling. But you wouldn’t expect it from a so called mature woman or at any age to be honest.

Now I think that I’m a nice person that will help anyone if I can. I pride myself on trying to look good all the time, much to the detriment of my bank balance. I eat well, dress well, prefer my hair blonde, like to keep fit, don’t smoke, follow the rules but of course I like a glass of prosecco or two and a gin. Hell you have to have some sins in life right?

It was yesterday, two days after my latest birthday into my early fifties (sigh). I was tagged in a memory that was posted by a Facebook friend. A memory of 3 years ago, a great day that was raising funds for the local Blood Bikes. Lots of music, food, drink and bikes of course. Someone suggested that we form a human pyramid and I was told I had to get on the top! Not an easy thing for me to do having had several glasses by that point. But as you can see by the photo, we were all enjoying ourselves, we raised several thousand pounds and it was a very fond memory.

So imagine my thoughts when I saw the post about Sandra Dee later on. I was shocked, upset and angry, all very mixed emotions. Now I’m not stupid. I know that comment and meme is aimed at me and I can only imagine it is down to jealousy, but why? The offending poster, does not know me, has never met me and has maybe only seen photos of me on Facebook or seen me from a distance at a motorbike event, yes like me she’s a biker. As for the person she’s tagged in the post, who I’m pleased to see has remained silent (or so I’d thought she had); she was a friend who has decided to blank and ignore me for some unknown reason. This is someone who I’ve supported and encouraged through her wobbles of learning to ride. Someone who maybe didn’t realise that she was a confident and capable rider.

So although I had many mixed emotions about the post, I’m old enough and mature enough to walk away from the school playground. But as this blog is all about my true feelings as I enter a huge new chapter in my life, it’s always nice to get it off your chest. If I lose ‘friends’ because of this post so be it, but there’s nothing nasty in it to cause that reaction.

I’ll leave you all with this thought. Sandra Dee, the kind sweet, nice girl became the most popular girl in school and drove off into the sunset with her high school sweetheart and they lived happily ever after!

The End

P.S. I do actually find the whole thing quite funny and I think I’ll adopt the new nickname ‘Sandra Dee’!

Me and @frodo_shorty were talking about fish & chips just the other day. This is my celebration meal when I run a half marathon, along with a glass or two of champagne. So it was funny when I went shopping and spotted these in the ‘specials’ bin in Aldi. It brought back memories of my childhood days and what other sweets, crisps and biscuits were around back then. Who remembers Texan Bars, Wagon Wheels (when they were bigger) and Spangles? Is it any wonder I put weight on as a kid and have battled with it since!

Battling with my weight is a curse and will be till the day I die. Having just finished my 4 mile run, I went back to help an old lady.

She’d put her full shopping bags in an Asda trolley and was pushing it home. She must have been in her late 80s early 90s. I asked if I could help. But she was insistent that she could do it as she was nearly home.

Independent or just plain stubborn? The latter reminds me of a certain family member 😉

That’s it for now, but remember we all need a little help sometimes, don’t be afraid to accept it.

Me and @frodo_shorty were talking about fish & chips just the other day. This is my celebration meal when I run a half marathon, along with a glass or two of champagne. So it was funny when I went shopping and spotted these in the ‘specials’ bin in Aldi. It brought back memories of my childhood days and what other sweets, crisps and biscuits were around back then. Who remembers Texan Bars, Wagon Wheels (when they were bigger) and Spangles? Is it any wonder I put weight on as a kid and have battled with it since!

Battling with my weight is a curse and will be till the day I die. Having just finished my 4 mile run, I went back to help an old lady.

She’d put her full shopping bags in an Asda trolley and was pushing it home. She must have been in her late 80s early 90s. I asked if I could help. But she was insistent that she could do it as she was nearly home.

Independent or just plain stubborn? The latter reminds me of a certain family member 😉

That’s it for now, but remember we all need a little help sometimes, don’t be afraid to accept it.

And there it was.

Taking an early morning run (for once I managed to get up early), I headed down the Coventry Road.

It was 8.04am. I was lost in my own thoughts thinking about what I’d got on for the day, when there it was. The milk float!

Now forgive me if I’m wrong but when I was a kid, the milkman was tucked up in bed by 8am having delivered the milk on his round by sunrise. Well it was by 4am if I remember our Unigate milkman in his white coat and flat cap. His name escapes me but that’s just the menopause playing the memory game again. As I approached, the unmistakeable sound of a diesel engine could be heard. It made me chuckle to think that I’d only posted about hydrogen powered milk floats a few days ago.

Milk & More was the company delivering the milk…….and yes more. I could see orange juice…..in glass bottles and other breakfast items including bread. If you ordered before 9pm it would be delivered by 7am now that’s not bad. But does this make us lazy?

With levels of obesity at a record high surely a walk to the shop in the morning is better for you? A discussion for another time maybe.

Now time for a rant and I’m sure most of my biker friends would agree, if not tell me why. So today has been around 30°C. Few bikes have been out. But of those I’ve seen they clearly do not value their own skin or that of their pillion. Shorts, t-shirts and flip flops……but they’re wearing a helmet! Really, COME ON! If it’s too hot to put on the bike gear it’s too hot to ride. IDIOTS!

So as I open the fizz I’ll leave you with this classic which will be buzzing around your head for the next few days 🤣

https://youtu.be/8e1xvyTdBZI

Strange title you may think, but I shall explain.

Working for the company that I’m now with, is a damn steep learning curve, and that’s only to learn about the basics of hydrogen generation.

We’ve all no doubt read in the press that we’re heading towards the use of electric cars and that the government wants to get rid of diesel engines by 2050. But what about the use of hydrogen cars? There’s a few out there already, along with hydrogen buses in London and now the first hydrogen powered train. Electric cars have their limitations and despite some manufacturers claims that they can do 250 miles before a charging, we know that most will only do about 200. Unless you can afford the new Tesla which they claim can do closer to 300…….but it’s still electric! I can do 200 miles in one day if I have to go to the office in Doncaster, so plotting my route for charging points would be fun.

So with the demise of the diesel engine and the improvements of electric and hydrogen transport what will happen to petrol? What’s petrol Dad? was on a notebook given away as a freebie at an event recently and it really makes you think. Stop reading this blog and think about it for 30 seconds………….This got me thinking more about things that we had as kids that aren’t around anymore. There are many of course, but one word or phrase that sticks in my mind is the advert for the Apple iPad Pro, where the young girl says to her neighbour whilst she’s lying on the grass in her back yard using her tablet ‘What’s a computer?’ Watch it and see what you think.

But what’s making a comeback? Vinyl records were killed off by CDs and then downloading and streaming of music, but we’ve recently seen a few ‘record shops’ open up again. Having something tangible makes all the difference right? So how are we dealing with simple commodities such as food and drink? We need to reduce the use of plastic so what do we use for milk example? I’m all in favour of bringing back the glass bottle for milk and yes, getting it delivered by the milkman who would still collect the cleaned empty bottles. Maybe instead of using an electric milk float he could use a hydrogen one? It would still be quiet and wouldn’t wake you at 3am on the morning, or you could get a lift ala Kat Slater style after a night out.

And talking of comebacks; look out Jane Fonda! Many, many years ago I used to teach body conditioning (it was like aerobics). Exercise and music has always been a passion of mine and I’m currently studying hard ready for a two-day assessment next month to get my licence to teach again. But it’s not aerobics and of course you can guess it’ll have a twist, but I’ll keep you hanging on that one……..bear with.

I still can’t believe that it’s only been 10 weeks since I’ve been made redundant. I’ve crammed so much work in during that short space of time. Did I tell you that I’d picked up a second contract? Even I can’t believe that. I’m really starting to believe in Karma these days.

Since I’ve started working for myself, I’ve decided that I need to look after my mental health more. So every other weekend when me and Frodo get together, we usually do something fun and this weekend was no different. Off to Leeds we went on the bikes, the long way around of course. 230 miles later, we’d crossed the Pennines, ridden through Holmfirth where Last of the Summer Wine was filmed, had lunch at Jem’s Speed Shop in Batley, drooling over many of the bikes for sale, a pitstop at Squires Biker Café and then a ride through Matlock and Matlock Bath on the way home. All topped off with a bite to eat at the Mucky Duck and a bottle of Bollie at home.

I think that this about sums up the weekend……..CHILLIN’

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So what’s petrol?..………that little drop of liquid gold that allows me and him to head for the hills to have some fun.

Til next time.